Laparoscopic Associates of San Francisco

Post Op Day 46

April 29th, 2010 Posted in Bariatric surgery, Vertical gastrectomy, Vertical sleeve gastrectomy, weight loss surgery, Weight loss surgery results

First of all, let me apologize for not writing sooner.  I have been in a very deep depression-like funk.  I have been suffering through a very strong overwhelming sense of buyer’s remorse.  I didn’t feel that it was right to pour that out on to everyone.  This was brought on by this horrifically long stall with my weight loss surgery results!

I thought the stall had left me behind a few weeks ago, but was sadly mistaken.  Even though I have been following program with no lapses, I had weight gain!!  I was terrified and crest fallen.  I could not bring myself to write about this then as I felt so guilty…even though I didn’t do anything wrong.  I am told that these feelings are normal.  I am having a hard time accepting the normalcy of my feelings.

The bad thing about having the buyer’s remorse was that I couldn’t throw in the towel and eat what ever I wanted (not that I wanted to eat).  My new vertical gastrectomy stomach would not have allowed it.  I guess that is the double edge sword here.  I couldn’t make myself feel better in my old ways because of the actions I took that brought me to this pit of despair.  Is that poetic justice?

Well, I am happy to say that I have left the funk behind and am no longer having buyer’s remorse.  As everyone has told me, the stall will pass, you will see.  There are changes going on in your body that you can not measure with a scale.  Knowing this and accepting this are two very different things!  I made one very big mistake when I started this journey.  I did not take measurements!!  How could I not do that?  I could really kick myself for that one!!  All this time, I could have been taking measurements and seen the changes through them when the scale was not giving up any secrets.  My funk may have been avoided had I done this.  Needless to say, I have getting measurements as soon as possible down on my list of must do’s.

I guess I better make this understandable as best I can.  A few weeks ago I posted that I thought the stall had broken and I had a reading of 353.0 on the scale.  That lasted for a few days only…3 to be exact.  The 4th day, I stepped on the scale and I was back to 355.9…I was mortified.  Well, to make matters worse, the next day, I was 358.0!!!!  I had no words for this…just immense discouragement.  That really kicked me into that horrible funk that got worse before it got better.

Today, I stepped on the scale…drum roll please…funk ending results….351.9!!!!!  To say I’m ecstatic is an understatement.  This is the lowest it has been.  I still do not understand what was going on and why I had to suffer so (I know much of it was self imposed), but I am truly glad that it has passed. 

I am sure that stalls will come and go as I make way through this long, and at times very lonely journey, but, I know now that they do pass and I will live through them.  I thank you all for your support and encouragement.  If not for this support and encouragement, I would have caved under the pressure of this big first stall.  This why I have not been successful in the past with doing this on my own.  The tool of surgery has helped me, actually, made me stay the course during this trial.  Because it is permanent, I will never have to doubt that I will have it always to get me through.

I hope this finds you all well and happy.  Enjoy your day, my friends.

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